Dirty happy or just happy?

During this holiday, I choose to go to one of the nicest beach resort, where by the level of commercial infrastructure has yet to be fully developed yet, Krabi. It was really enchanted with the break-taking view and filled with warm and sweet natives where being there is very much like in the movie, "The Beach", which as a matter of fact, filmed there.

Being a typical lazy tourist who just wanted to be brainless, I joined a one day tour to Phi Phi Island. Beyond all the nice beach, great sun etc, I am really drained and tired. By the time it was noon, sand was all over me and being well marinated with sea salt! lol... tons of complaint come from me during lunch. However, when I finally settled down and take a look around, a Thai girl was engaging in a chat with my tour guide, amazingly having fun with a piece of paper (Don't ask me why but really till now I have no idea! LOL). It set me thinking, does the place we living in really created the person we are?

They can find joy in these simple gesture while to us, having sand on my butt is a pain in the ass. Sometime life could be really simple and guess one are just too used to his/her lifestyle that the vision of joy is blurred. It makes no sense to us now to blame it on the fact that we are brought up in a city but back to square one, what are we looking for? They may be earning like just a hundreds dollars for a month but life still goes on... Well, so does quality of life defers in our habitat? Personally, it is just how much we want ourselves to be happy.

A light breeze could be priceless upon a hot sunny day. Don't take things for granted. I learnt that from a sweetest person who left a foot print on my beach. I'm sorry.

Nightmare on Denise Street

There is a saying, dream is the illustration of your daily life. Yesterday, a friend of mine was woken up by a dream that left her heart squeezed till this point of time (at least 12 hours later), the agony of not being able to breath is still in existence. This could only show that whatever happens in her dream has a real huge impact.

Snap shot of the dreamland that she visited, she was ignored by someone whom she did admit was taken for granted. She thought she was way over it and the full stop had clearly engraved on the ending pavement. But terribly as it seems, one could only say that she might be the little girl who is still running after the goose. Is the mutual bonding between both really ceased?

Thought races, images flashes. Why and how did two persons ended up on the situation? Words flood around via the tools of mouth that both still have feeling for each other. So is having the strong sense of dignity way surpass the strength of true feeling? With the feeling of lost and empty, why did she still crutches her pride and holding her head high up? Has all the past happy moments or holidays not meant a single thing?

It takes two hands to clap. If both held their head high up, guess the only thing that both see is never each other, but just the sky which is beyond reach. Maybe it is what said in Midsummer night, the course of true love really didn't run smooth. Let fate be the light house. It might really be the end, or .... I do sincerely wish for an alternative.

When there is angel, there is devil, so there is love, there is pain...

The word love has been so loosely used that who ever knows when they really start loving. No offence to those parents that are sweet enough to say "i love you" to their beloved child, but do one really knows the definition of it?

Does love exist when one is urged by lust? Or when one heart is happy and hop-py when it met upon? Once upon a time, when the world out there is fascinating and bright just like a flower started to open up their petals when in bloom, I presume that I love a thing/person when I'm happy and the feeling of bonding cross the heart. Guess I had gown up now.

Things happen now and then, but this time, my heart had this piercing agony of squashing thru the throbbing device that gives one life. When I had it, I never knew it. But when you lose it, you felt it. Scary it might sound but never a Freddy Nightmare... It is just a wake up call that you once loved it.

Tears may not be a justification, but the pain is the truth.

Sourness verse Sweetness

There are people who said that tearing is a great source of relief to tension. But if the tension comes and goes, does it meant that one need to moist their eyes frequently? Does it really help besides the fact that it does help to moist your contact lens...

I came to a realization that when the heart felt squashed and the pain is piercing, crying doesn't do much good. I am hurt. It does sound logical that what is being real? Is it the sweetness in every relationship or the sourness when it comes to cease? It is truth is brutal. It might seems bleak to be looking at a relationship from this angle, specially for someone whom strongly feel that love is the fuel to life, however, guess that person is not so strong after all.

Ironic as it may sound but the thing that feel "real" is after all the pain and agony. Guess that one can only say that time heal everything or that if it doesn't kill you, it just makes you stronger. But, at this point of time, the pain is there and nobody will know. In fact, nobody will understand specially to someone whom is seen optimistic and supposedly, the life of all parties/a player maybe... Whatever goes up, must it really comes down?

Sharing isn't the best way out!

In my whole life I had never won any big prizes yet. However, tonight i got the honour of receiving the first and second prizes. But due to my foolish decision making matrix of basing on pride and grace, upon asking if I would like to share my first prize with another person, i agreed.

Sharing is suppose to be a happy thing. When other is happy, you will be happy. Guess thing just doesn't flow the way you want it to be. The first prize is a travel voucher of $600 and thus, i only got half of it. My best of friend came over and told me in a firm manner that why should i share and even if he is to take the company ticket, it will cost around $200 and initially both our tickets will be free. At that instance, i know that i made the wrong move. What had happened had happen.

It just leave me with a take away message; I am not so brave and intelligent after all. Why should i be worried of rejecting the suggestion of sharing in front of everyone on stage? Or I could have shared my second prize... It does hurt. Making a stranger happy and saving my own face, cause disturbance to the one that i cared for. This kind of conflicted with the sharing makes everyone happy concept.

Although one could always say that you could walk home empty hand anyway and after all, you still got something, at this very moment, swallowing doesn't seem to be easy. All i could do is some recovery work of paying for the balance and take this as an experience learnt. Seriously, it is really all my foolishness.

:( Ironic isn't it...

What is considered as an idea life? Having a great noble career, family that cares for you, and able to find someone to dote on you on every single move? But then again, there are bound to have dark corners on every rooms. At this very moment, am sleepless and flashes of my past came knocking on my doorsteps. What have I done to my life? This might sound like I am thinking far too much for a 31 years old. However, 31 is not old, neither is it any younger. I really need to do some soul searching to define myself.

I might have a great job but having a fun job does not necessarily meant passion. Some how, emptiness is still there. Is this really what I want to do for the next 20 years? What about soaring and having a huge pay check?

I am really lucky to have such a wonderful family that supported me in all aspects. Specially whenever I get to speak to the students with family issues. However, nest will always be a nest. One needs to search and construct their very own. Upon reaching 50s, am i suppose to return to my sister or my nieces? Rather a loser in my perspective now...

I do not have much issue on my appearance and all thanks to my parents i guess. However, one has to fight against the worst odd, the gravity and pollution. Maybe i had been feeding on dumbbell but somehow, weight just keep increasing... what's way wrong???

As for having a great partner, I practically have it all. But where do we go from here? Setting up a family? To begin with, a roof is idea. However, it is not buying fishes from market. Dream will always be dream. One still need to surrender to the financial factor.

There are several views to one story. I guess I just have to have faith. Tomorrow will be better, Confirm... I hope...

Buffet or Ala carte?

Life is like ripple on the sea, where it will have its high and low continously. One can say that it creates issues and problems to life, however, it gives life texture and making it something to look forward to. I do have to admit that upon facing the lows, digesting it might seems to be difficult and maybe, that is what created middle life crisis thingy! It is not the heat rash or any syptom that makes it such a big issue, but seriously it is the mental state of mind that stirred huge waves of emotion! Guess one has to look at the big picture and squeeze out some reflection on it and move on!

At this point of time, I guess that middle life crisis is still not anywhere near the corner. Life is really like a buffet spread to me... when you are rich at this very moment, you get to have the red carpet service that ushers you into the resturant where tons of food awaited for your pick. One might be overwhelmed by the variety that he/she losses touch of reality and might even becomes arrogant and egolistic. Temptation looks good but never necessary meant beneficial!

Anyway, back to the issue, it is not so idea if you are filled up with bread, way before your entrance to the buffet spread! So, the question now is that should one just stick to the holy bread for filling or enjoy the colourful buffet temptation while they are still capable of footing the bill? Wealth don't last forever - grab while you can, on the other hand, arrows from cupid is never a machine gun too!