Festive Seasons to be Merry

“Emo” is one of the words that commonly infested us. Day in day out, they just know which dark corners we might be hiding in. Just these few weeks, emotions really visited the theme park when roller coaster right is not the only fun rides they took, more dramatically, the vertical fall challenge. Taking a step back, is it because of maturity that one gets into an emotional turbulent, or is it festive seasons are round the corners? Strange but true, Christmas are suppose to be merry and new year is suppose to be happy… yet, in another part where of an individual heart, it the merry and happy turns to miserable and horror.

Enough of all the analyst and zoom into the primitive remedy for heart ache by the ecological infrastructure approach…

- The Earth does not turn for you, it turns for itself… (Making ourselves happy is a choice, not a destiny)

- When there is night time, there will be dawn break… (End of the tunnel, there will always be sky)

- Law of thermodynamics, energy cannot be destroyed… (Channel your negative thoughts to something positive)

- Building after building, competition of height only leads to unstable structure… (Be complacent)

- Wave is strong, going against it will only lead to drown… (Let nature flow)

- Phones are meant to ring, only it’s not ringing now… (Timing, be patient and it will be your turn soon)

- Mouth is created to ask… (fundamental question, are you happy now… if no, then what you want… follow by what to do… then the nike slogan, JUST DO IT)

- Stars are beautiful, one just need to lift his head to appreciate them… (Look at the beautiful side)

- Pants always come in pair… (Nobody is born alone)

- River may flow to dark corners, but it will lead to the sea no matter what, meanwhile, the sky is always above it… (God has his doing and his plan)

So, when one picked up a dirty coin on the floor, it just depends on whether the value of the coin should outshine its soiled appearance. The choice is yours.

Why???

Cause we are given a heart and a brain.

Eat, Pray & Love

Who wouldn’t love Julius Robert, especially after all those master pieces that she had participated in, she is seriously one of the pull factor to watch the movie Eat, Pray and Love. Who would have known, I was casted a present, a present of enlightenment.

To some, bringing their brain for a relaxing after work movie is never an option. Not sure for sure but this is a motto for my brainless quest. However, after watching this two and the half hour movie, it gave me more than just an entertainment.

In this world, one has to love to live or live to love? Ideal state is never attain by mouth, but should be felt by heart. As spoken by the wise one in the movie that the eyes should be on the heart and not the brain! We seek up and down for an enchanting romance but after banging against the wall times and times, hated and agony manifested to the degree that the simplicity of love is being engulfed.
Lately, I am being branded as the ironic enemy by someone whom I was deeply in love with, but due to some issues, parting is more beneficial then togetherness. I was paranoid. Like what the movie emphasis, Eat in Italy, Pray in India and Love in Bali. I agreed to achieve, as well as, wanted to attain.

Eat in Italy, a symbolic gesture to regain back all your senses. The senses that trigger off the attraction for a longing relationship, telling one what is love. We get blurred by all the neo-lighting in this urbanized city that our senses are being numbed. There are times that one saw chaos and ruining occurring in the city as an unwanted site, however, due to these ruin in Italy, it gave it culture. Just like in life, things are bound to change, but changes are hard to accept. For good or bad, it depends on one to look at. Thing doesn’t go the way it is plan doesn’t necessary meant that it is going on the wrong direction. Learn to accept, not only on the sight, but on the beauty of it.
Pray in India, a level of attainment for purity in mind and soul. God exist everywhere and abstract in view. Is it really the fairy like lady that you are praying to, being the god that you seek? It is actually the god that exists within oneself. Like religion, I always believe that it is a teaching, a teaching for moral, balance and love in life. So why should it be a figure that was crafted? Finding one’s own purity and focus should be the way to filter the noise and footprint in our life. Immortality as it might seems, ideally, I want to follow. When it is time to let go, let it go gracefully. This is the time to forgive oneself. Learn and embrace.

Love in Bali, a differentiation between love and lust (personally). Distraction is bound to occur but is that what one really wants? Julius moved away from that hunk… what about you or me? However, when love really appears and cupid really aimed, as what the guru enlightened, don’t worry and don’t hold it back. Just let it flow… Just like a rubber band that was kept in the cold, it loses its’ elasticity. We knock ourselves against the walls times and times again. It gave us nothing but thick dead skin. As a form of protection or as a form of skepticism? However, chances only happened once and we really only lead our life once. So do what one may.

As stated again and again in my blog, life is full of irony… I do take this film as a wakeup call. What about you?

Dirty happy or just happy?

During this holiday, I choose to go to one of the nicest beach resort, where by the level of commercial infrastructure has yet to be fully developed yet, Krabi. It was really enchanted with the break-taking view and filled with warm and sweet natives where being there is very much like in the movie, "The Beach", which as a matter of fact, filmed there.

Being a typical lazy tourist who just wanted to be brainless, I joined a one day tour to Phi Phi Island. Beyond all the nice beach, great sun etc, I am really drained and tired. By the time it was noon, sand was all over me and being well marinated with sea salt! lol... tons of complaint come from me during lunch. However, when I finally settled down and take a look around, a Thai girl was engaging in a chat with my tour guide, amazingly having fun with a piece of paper (Don't ask me why but really till now I have no idea! LOL). It set me thinking, does the place we living in really created the person we are?

They can find joy in these simple gesture while to us, having sand on my butt is a pain in the ass. Sometime life could be really simple and guess one are just too used to his/her lifestyle that the vision of joy is blurred. It makes no sense to us now to blame it on the fact that we are brought up in a city but back to square one, what are we looking for? They may be earning like just a hundreds dollars for a month but life still goes on... Well, so does quality of life defers in our habitat? Personally, it is just how much we want ourselves to be happy.

A light breeze could be priceless upon a hot sunny day. Don't take things for granted. I learnt that from a sweetest person who left a foot print on my beach. I'm sorry.

Nightmare on Denise Street

There is a saying, dream is the illustration of your daily life. Yesterday, a friend of mine was woken up by a dream that left her heart squeezed till this point of time (at least 12 hours later), the agony of not being able to breath is still in existence. This could only show that whatever happens in her dream has a real huge impact.

Snap shot of the dreamland that she visited, she was ignored by someone whom she did admit was taken for granted. She thought she was way over it and the full stop had clearly engraved on the ending pavement. But terribly as it seems, one could only say that she might be the little girl who is still running after the goose. Is the mutual bonding between both really ceased?

Thought races, images flashes. Why and how did two persons ended up on the situation? Words flood around via the tools of mouth that both still have feeling for each other. So is having the strong sense of dignity way surpass the strength of true feeling? With the feeling of lost and empty, why did she still crutches her pride and holding her head high up? Has all the past happy moments or holidays not meant a single thing?

It takes two hands to clap. If both held their head high up, guess the only thing that both see is never each other, but just the sky which is beyond reach. Maybe it is what said in Midsummer night, the course of true love really didn't run smooth. Let fate be the light house. It might really be the end, or .... I do sincerely wish for an alternative.

When there is angel, there is devil, so there is love, there is pain...

The word love has been so loosely used that who ever knows when they really start loving. No offence to those parents that are sweet enough to say "i love you" to their beloved child, but do one really knows the definition of it?

Does love exist when one is urged by lust? Or when one heart is happy and hop-py when it met upon? Once upon a time, when the world out there is fascinating and bright just like a flower started to open up their petals when in bloom, I presume that I love a thing/person when I'm happy and the feeling of bonding cross the heart. Guess I had gown up now.

Things happen now and then, but this time, my heart had this piercing agony of squashing thru the throbbing device that gives one life. When I had it, I never knew it. But when you lose it, you felt it. Scary it might sound but never a Freddy Nightmare... It is just a wake up call that you once loved it.

Tears may not be a justification, but the pain is the truth.

Sourness verse Sweetness

There are people who said that tearing is a great source of relief to tension. But if the tension comes and goes, does it meant that one need to moist their eyes frequently? Does it really help besides the fact that it does help to moist your contact lens...

I came to a realization that when the heart felt squashed and the pain is piercing, crying doesn't do much good. I am hurt. It does sound logical that what is being real? Is it the sweetness in every relationship or the sourness when it comes to cease? It is truth is brutal. It might seems bleak to be looking at a relationship from this angle, specially for someone whom strongly feel that love is the fuel to life, however, guess that person is not so strong after all.

Ironic as it may sound but the thing that feel "real" is after all the pain and agony. Guess that one can only say that time heal everything or that if it doesn't kill you, it just makes you stronger. But, at this point of time, the pain is there and nobody will know. In fact, nobody will understand specially to someone whom is seen optimistic and supposedly, the life of all parties/a player maybe... Whatever goes up, must it really comes down?

Sharing isn't the best way out!

In my whole life I had never won any big prizes yet. However, tonight i got the honour of receiving the first and second prizes. But due to my foolish decision making matrix of basing on pride and grace, upon asking if I would like to share my first prize with another person, i agreed.

Sharing is suppose to be a happy thing. When other is happy, you will be happy. Guess thing just doesn't flow the way you want it to be. The first prize is a travel voucher of $600 and thus, i only got half of it. My best of friend came over and told me in a firm manner that why should i share and even if he is to take the company ticket, it will cost around $200 and initially both our tickets will be free. At that instance, i know that i made the wrong move. What had happened had happen.

It just leave me with a take away message; I am not so brave and intelligent after all. Why should i be worried of rejecting the suggestion of sharing in front of everyone on stage? Or I could have shared my second prize... It does hurt. Making a stranger happy and saving my own face, cause disturbance to the one that i cared for. This kind of conflicted with the sharing makes everyone happy concept.

Although one could always say that you could walk home empty hand anyway and after all, you still got something, at this very moment, swallowing doesn't seem to be easy. All i could do is some recovery work of paying for the balance and take this as an experience learnt. Seriously, it is really all my foolishness.

:( Ironic isn't it...

What is considered as an idea life? Having a great noble career, family that cares for you, and able to find someone to dote on you on every single move? But then again, there are bound to have dark corners on every rooms. At this very moment, am sleepless and flashes of my past came knocking on my doorsteps. What have I done to my life? This might sound like I am thinking far too much for a 31 years old. However, 31 is not old, neither is it any younger. I really need to do some soul searching to define myself.

I might have a great job but having a fun job does not necessarily meant passion. Some how, emptiness is still there. Is this really what I want to do for the next 20 years? What about soaring and having a huge pay check?

I am really lucky to have such a wonderful family that supported me in all aspects. Specially whenever I get to speak to the students with family issues. However, nest will always be a nest. One needs to search and construct their very own. Upon reaching 50s, am i suppose to return to my sister or my nieces? Rather a loser in my perspective now...

I do not have much issue on my appearance and all thanks to my parents i guess. However, one has to fight against the worst odd, the gravity and pollution. Maybe i had been feeding on dumbbell but somehow, weight just keep increasing... what's way wrong???

As for having a great partner, I practically have it all. But where do we go from here? Setting up a family? To begin with, a roof is idea. However, it is not buying fishes from market. Dream will always be dream. One still need to surrender to the financial factor.

There are several views to one story. I guess I just have to have faith. Tomorrow will be better, Confirm... I hope...